er.ic/doerr

LOP Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Battle of the Exes Fantasy League is here! Yes- that’s LOPRWRRCBOTEFL! If you’re new to this, this league follows the Challenge on MTV and awards scoring appropriately…and by appropriately, I mean a complete waste of time. But hey- new league member this season! Not only that, but the Czar of Reality TV @Jacoby received advanced metrics to rate contestants dating back 10 years…no, seriously.

Below is the full scoring from the GRTFL league on Grantland. SLIGHTLY modified to remove commissioner decided points and to merge a few sections. No non-Grantland additions.

Emotional

• Female Crying: 5 points
• Male Crying: 20 points
• Asking if a fellow cast member is there “for the right reasons”: 10 points
• Saying, “I didn’t come here to make friends”: 10 points
• Trying to make someone cry and succeeding: 25 points
• Trying to make someone cry and failing: -25 points 
• Blaming parents for poor behavior: 10 points
• Calling a friend or relative at home, crying, and saying, “Everyone here hates me”: 20 points
• Threatening to sue fellow cast member: 25 points
• Being subject of an intervention: 30 points
• Plugging an acting, modeling, or singing career: 10 points
• Singing song in front of two or more people: 20 points
• Announcing you are “in control of the game” (or something close to it): 5 points

Drunken Debauchery

• Open-mouth kissing: 5 points per participant
• Coitus (or pulling over covers in bed): 25 points per participant
• Denying coitus: 10 points
• Fraudulent denial of coitus: 20 points
• Fraudulent claim of coitus: 25 points
• Participating in threesome: 50 points per participant
• STD scare: 30 points per sexual partner
• Pregnancy scare: 50 points per sexual partner
• Intentional nudity: 20 points
• Unintentional nudity: 5 points
• Hitting on TJ: 15 points
• Possession of concealed erection: 25 points
• Revealing past career in pornography: 50 points
• Slandering your ex’s sexual performance: 25 points
• Cold sore possession: 15 points
• Noticeable intoxication: 5 points
• Vomiting due to alcohol: 10 points
• Being kicked out of bar or club: 20 points
• Violating stated religious beliefs: 25 points

Physicality

• Verbal Fighting: 5 points
• Physical Fighting: 25 points
• Decisively winning physical fight: 25 points
• Throwing drink in someone’s face: 5 points
• Having unexplained black eye, fat lip, or bloody knuckles: 25 points
• Being restrained or lectured on camera by security or production staff: 25 points
• Requesting to be assaulted: 10 points
• Invoking show’s rules as only reason for not committing assault: 10 points
• Attempting to fight TJ: 100 points
• Cannibalism: 100 points
• Inciting the arrival of a vehicle with a siren: 20 points
• Assault of an inanimate object: 10 points
• Making TJ say, “You killed it”: 25 points
• Winning elimination challenge: 10 points
• Winning final challenge: 50 points

Early Departures

• Being kicked off show: 100 points (must be eliminated outside of game play)
• Causing others to threaten to leave show: 15 points
• Threatening to leave show and not following through: 15 points
• Threatening to leave show and following through: 30 points
• Leaving show due to injury: -50 points

Any points earned in hot tub and/or helicopter are scored at double value.

2012 Battle of the Exes Draft:

(Draft order was a random ordered snake draft)

Chad Doerr:
(1) C.T 
(10) Anessa
(11) Ty 
(20) Nate
(21) Priscilla 

Eric Doerr:
(2) Johnny
(9) Cara Maria
(12) Robin 
(19) Naomi 
(22) Dustin 

Rob Coleman:
(3) Rachel 
(8) Leroy 
(13) Diem 
(18) Dunbar 
(23) Camilla 

John Nunn:
(4) Jasmine 
(7) Wes 
(14) Mandi 
(17) Paula 
(24) Tyrie 

Tom Coleman:
(5) Abe
(6) Mark 
(15) Sarah
(16) Emily 
(25) Vinny

Heather was left undrafted. We went individuals over teams, unlike GRTFL. Either way, this will be another season and the Week 1 recap will be up Friday!

I don’t I documented 2011 predictions, which is a classic mistake. Why not document 2012 predictions for everyone to make fun of me for next year?

THE UNFORTUNATES

“Bullying” will increase

Daaaaamn, more kids are gonna get beat up? What a dick thing to say!

Are kids really getting beat up more in school NOW than ever before? I mean really? Or is awareness of children being harassed just more prevalent?

 One of the problems I have with the way these ‘bullying’ stories are reported is that they always ignore the assailant- you know,the fourth grader who is gonna have a warrant out at 15 and a registered sex-offender by 17 with 2 kids? What about them? We just ignore 10 year olds with obvious psychological problems that CAN usually be solved before they become permanent? Of course we do! This is America!

In the same way Teen Mom is the worst show on television, “Bullying” (yes, in quotes) is being inadvertently glorified. Every time something negative is said from one child to another, it’s going to be reported and parents are gonna capitalize on it. These psychos are gonna hear about a story on TV and use their children for attention. 

I’m not even gonna play the Adam Carolla ‘We need our kids to have discipline and its survival of the fittest, and your kid sucks if he can’t handle it’ card, but I do think that this will officially blow up by the end of 2012 and the kids who are ACTUALLY being constantly harassed, the ones that are threatened and harassed every day, will be overlooked and no one will care to tend to them because parents and teachers will be too concerned with the huge volume increase of children complaining that one negative thing was said about them. Screw you kids that are constantly heckled for no reason! We won’t care about you anymore!

A new group of people form a political party after the Occupy Movement.

Yeah, It’s unfortunate- nothing will be made of it other than being humiliated by the media. Great on paper, poor execution, 2012 in a nutshell.

Google Plus will release something big, see small growth with usage dying off, and then attempt a re-brand.

Look, I love Google+. I love the layout, I love the concept, I love the features…

No one cares. No one outside the tech world cares. No one in the real world cares. Google missed the bubble- they wanted to rival Facebook and Twitter, but that will NEVER happen. NEVER. It’s too late. 

As the growth of iPhones (and smartphones in general) increases, more people realize the ease of having everything in one place. It’s simple. We carry a phone, a wallet, a music device, and a portable game console: we carry an iPhone. We want everything in one place.

Google+ will grow, but usage will drop. It wont actually die completely off, but Google+ will either rebrand or attempt something massive as a last-ditch effort to get normal people to use it. No one is leaving Facebook for something else. People may leave Facebook to leave Facebook, but they ain’t leaving for Google Plus.

C.T. will not last to the end of The Challenge; Kardashians do not go away.

Sad, because of opposite reasons.

Windows 8 will be a collassal failure.

Next prediction…

Apple branded TV’s will NOT come out, MacBook models older than the air will be phased out.

Maybe they will be announced…maybe…but they aren’t gonna be on shelves in 2012. Sorry iPeeps.

THE OBVIOUS

Government gets involved with more Internet bullshit they do not understand and try to pass a bill that leads to the next big “occupy”-like movement.

Obvious, but I mean that a huge protest similar to the Occupy Movement will happen because of a Gov’t sanctioned bill affecting the Internet. Maybe it won’t be a physical protest, but something MASSIVE will happen.

The Mayans were wrong?

Is there a worse way to measure time than a year? I mean it’s so inaccurate that we just throw in another 24 hours every 4 years to catch up…how accurate! It’s like measuring the pitchers’ usage by innings: sometimes you have 24 pitch innings, sometimes you have 5 pitch innings…but we don’t just throw in a few more pitches to some guys to catch them back up.

THE HOPEFULS

The Mayans were wrong?

But I mean…you never know…

A MAJOR production company or television network will team with an ISP for Internet broadcasting rights.

I don’t even know what this will lead to…but maybe HBO finally realizes that they will still profit by allowing non-television subscribers to subscribe without a television?

Hardcore feminists battle with some other cult for their contractions.

They believe we all are equal and should view each other without gender identified, but they protest about women being treated unfairly because of their gender, which is suppose to not be identified. I am confused, but I’d be entertained.

Ryan Braun admits that he failed his PED test because of herpes medication.

Would you rather admit you have herpes and do not take steroids? Or rather that you do not have herpes but you take steroids? TOUGH DECISION FOR THE REIGNING NL MVP!

I will update this more.

Meh…

The United Center will be home to a championship.

Go Bulls, Go ‘Hawks.